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Play is a natural and spontaneous activity from earliest childhood on. Innocent games, but in which a psychiatrist might find underlying deviant tendencies. The child plays hide and seek (voyeurism?), cowboys and Indians with the victim tied to a post (domination/submission?), mummies and daddies (basic eroticism?). Children dress up
(transvestism?); they fondle their dolls but they also punish them (sadism?).
These spontaneous games cease with the onset of adolescence, when they are replaced by sports or intellectual games. These are not spontaneous: they have fixed rules and conventions.
With sexual maturity, games reappear in the life of the couple. They are almost always based on a sexual deviation, though they express it in a very much modified form. They do not always lead to an immediate sexual conclusion; often they are just a revival of childhood games with an added hint of the erotic.
For example, a group of couples on a country picnic party might decide to play hide and seek. The blindfold seeker will make the most of feeling all over the girl he has caught to identify who it is (this game is of course related to mate-swapping).
Another party game might be an innocent “gay competition”: the girls dance together while the men form a jury to pick the best lesbian couple.
Or at a bridge party, the dummy might earn the right to pay court to the hostess. (This is wife-swapping without practical consequences).
The classic game of strip poker can take a number of players or just two (this is voyeurism/exhibitionism).
Transvestism can suggest a game where the woman plays the man’s role by lovingly undressing her man when he is wearing women’s clothes.
Many sexual games play on the domination/submission theme. Sometimes they are an outlet for reversing the usual roles: for example a normally authoritarian man may, for the duration of the game, allow his lady to hold him on a leash like an animal, obeying the most outrageous orders she can think of.
The bondage games many couples play, tying each other up in different positions, are variants of this game. Both partners are excited by the fact that one is at the mercy of the other. The game does not necessarily lead straight to intercourse: if it does, it becomes a rape game.
Many games are based on sado-masochism. Sometimes they combine bondage with submissive postures (the bound partner on his or her knees, or crawling on all fours, perhaps with verbal abuse as well). The most widespread of these games is the spanking; this inflicts little pain provided it is done with the hand or a small cat-o’-ninetails, and is a powerful sexual stimulant, enhanced still further by its exhibitionist aspect. It must of course remain a game and not become a punishment. It must only be played if both partners are willing, and it must keep to jointly agreed rules: the “victim” must always have the right to call “Pax!” to stop the game.
Your imagination may suggest any number of games. Your partner does not even have to be there: there is the graffiti game, for example, where you put a blackboard and chalk in the toilet, where each can write or draw a whole range of fantasies they dare not admit to any other way. Then there is the telephone game: you telephone your wife when she is at home with friends or in the office surrounded by colleagues, and you start a conversation about some very precise sexual subject so that she is confused and embarrassed trying to answer you with people present.
Sometimes erotic games require joint planning by the couple. They may start off a particular game by a previously agreed signal: an apparently innocent code word, a simple drawn symbol, or a sign like moving the salt cellar or a spoon on the table. This starts the game without their table companions having noticed anything.
Apart from such secret codes, what characterizes a game is that there is no prior agreement. One partner takes the initiative on the spur of the moment and the other joins in or not, as she/he feels.
Erotic scenarios are an excellent way of overcoming shyness, over-modesty or communications problems between partners. Working out the plot of the scenario together is a game in itself. Putting it into practice is a second game, with both partners improvising within the boundaries of the roles allotted to them.
In practice it goes as follows: one partner thinks up the characters and the situation. The other accepts this as the starting point, or refuses, or suggests a different scenario or a variation on the first.
The man has had a terrible accident. He is immobilized on his hospital bed, encased in plaster … The other partner takes up the story: His wife comes to visit him and … The first partner: Couldn’t it be a nurse who comes in? (and so on and so on … the story might continue with the wife surprising her husband as he debauches with the nurse, etc.).
The value of the scenario is that it enables the couple to go much further than the story just suggested. They can raise fantasies and scenes they would never dare mention in conversation, but which pose no problems in the context of a game.
The scenario allows one partner to express a desire in an indirect way to see how the other reacts. If she/he reacts badly, there is no harm done because it is only a game.
Besides the erotic thrill they get from working out the plot, the mere fact of working it out together is exciting for the partners. Sexual experiences that would have been ill-received without joint preparation may be quite acceptable in the context of a scenario. It may also give a partner who usually feels dominated by the other a chance to play the dominant part without the other being surprised.
Once the scenario has been established, it can be played straight away (as it often is) or put off until later (which makes the pleasure last longer), or not played at all.
How about these scenarios as starting points:
the woman dresses up and makes up in a very sexy style and plays a prostitute soliciting her husband with very precise suggestions.
the husband rapes a hitchhiker. In prison, a female warder revenges her sex with appropriate tortures.
the dirty phone call. Man and woman take turns to call a supposed unknown subscriber to describe their most unacceptable desires.
a photographer hires models for a session of very special poses for a pornographic magazine.
There are hosts of other erotic scenes you may imagine, with such settings as school, law court, hotel, church confessional, lady’s underwear shop, and so on.
Some scenarios can be highly elaborate, with subplots and twists enough to make them real screenplay material. There is nothing to stop you hiring a video camera to film it in private – or get someone with a voyeuristic streak to film it!
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