This entry was posted on Monday, May 18th, 2009 at 6:45 am and is filed under General health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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OUR MARITAL HEALTH/SEX AND PROBLEMS OF DAILY LIVING: FEAR RESPONSE AND SEXUAL TITHING
FEAR RESPONSE: Some of the spouses report a fear of returning to sexual intimacy following a loss. Whenever we experience a death close to us, we question our own mortality, and we may become so focused on the fear and ruminations about living and dying that there is little room for the renewal of sexuality. The intensity of loss can result in a fear of all intensity, including the intensity of sexual intimacy, and fear can replace positive anticipation.
SEXUAL TITHING: Some partners deal with their grief by consciously or unconsciously giving up some of the joy of their own living. Sometimes the sexual area is the area of joy that is sacrificed. One husband had promised in his prayers that if his father was spared from death, he would not continue to have sex with his then fiancee. His belief system, one he was willing to modify prior to the stress of his father’s illness, dictated against premarital sex. Following marriage and for the six years of that marriage prior to the couple’s treatment in the super marital sex program, no sexual interaction took place.
Other couples report that a percentage of their sex life seemed to end with the loss experienced by one or both of the partners. This ‘ ‘tithing” may not be as overt as in the example of the husband just mentioned, but it is a factor in couples who felt that they were compromising their values sexually and then experienced a loss they perceived as punishment or a “sign” to pay for their indiscretion.
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